Isn't It a Pity?

"Isn't it a pity/Isn't it a shame/How we breaks each other's hearts/And cause each other pain."
~George Harrison


I confess: I'm a packrat. I've saved most all of the emails from guys I've dated, the ones I forged relationships with via the net. Sometimes, when I'm bored at work, I scroll through them to relive the excitement I felt at getting to know a new love interest.




Tonight has been such a night. I'm not sure why but I was drawn to look through old emails from the love-wounded chef I dated briefly. In reading his emails, I realized that I still miss him, despite his guarded and cynical manner.




I suppose I met him at a bad time. He was still nursing his wounds from his seven year common- law marriage. She cheated on him with a much older professor. Suddenly, everything that he'd worked so hard for meant nothing and he simply walked away.


Some people hurt each other shamelessly while others do it unknowingly. What is it all for? What purpose does pain have? The only thing that makes any sense to me is that it is a huge learning experience. Pain is a great teacher, harsh though it is. We grow from it. We think that our hearts will never love again when they've been broken but love is a resilient force. It's always there. It's the one thing that we take with us when we leave this Earth.






The love-wounded chef's pain and his methods of dealing with it indirectly hurt me. I got only a small part of him and even that part was guarded. Pain, it seems, has a ripple effect.






When it hits us full on, however, it attacks us like an illness, spreading through our bodies slowly and ruthlessly. Our brains register its presence first, in a sort of stunned confusion, desperately trying to rationalize it. When it reaches our hearts, the pain is unbearable, an inconsolable ache that quickly travels to the lungs and makes our breathing shallow.






Our tear ducts, in an effort to ease the pain, release seemingly unending tears. The brain (our thoughts) feeds the heart, which causes even more tears. Waves of pain. That's exactly what it feels like. Waves of pain rolling through the body.






I know I've hurt others, just as I've been hurt. I wish I could take it all back but I know this isn't necessarily the best thing to wish for. The pain that I've experienced in my life has shaped me into the person I am today. Wisdom always follows pain if we allow it in.


Now if only I can convince my heart of that.